better than sex..

Bon Appétit!!

leaving on a jet plane..

All my life, I have always been the spectator - the one who watch everyone leave and fly far beyond. I am the one who always supports and waited patiently for everyone to come back and hear all sorts of stories from their adventures.

And because of that, I have always been bias, thinking that it's easier to leave rather than to be the one who have to wait in vain and be self-sacrificing. Boy, now that my turn has finally come, I get my own feel of being the one who is in the other side of the fence. I tell ya', it's no easy deal.

Thou' the idea of living out of a suitcase seems ideal for me who loves to expect the unexpected, leaving my mother alone is a problem. I worry too much. That's me in nature. Thou' I can't deny I feel glad to finally have my own space as mom can drive me up the wall and ceiling most times, a sense of responsibility as a daughter kicked in whenever the thoughts of her living alone in KL crossed my mind.

And it's hard to let go of what I have now. My life is finally wee bit balance with stability in income and social life. Life's good, in short. To start the whole process of uncertainty and adventure, yet again, seems....taxing. I haven't had enough rest!

What ever it is, I'm not suppose to complaint much. Opportunity must be snatch! Thou' I forsee hardwork and sheer endurance in near future and the fact that I know for sure that I will be bitching 24 x 7...it's something that I must do. Because that's what building a career is all about. Maybe by being away from potential distractions (e.g; mom, friends, lovelife, cats, traffic jam..and all other comfort zones), will be a good thing after all. I need to be and stay focus to make it alive. It's a tough world out there, it's not only a rat race, it's to finish the race by being the first to reach the line in most minimal time and yet as the fattest rat.. ;p

Still... it's hard to leave..

profoundly soulful

The best version of "If I ain't got you" by Alicia Keys I've ever heard so far..

guys, we are so going!!!

Can't wait till April to come to experience some awesome awesome awesomeeeeeeeeeeeee adrenaline rush moments!

Let's see who will be the last man (or ehem...should I say, WOMAN) standing.. *smirk*

[Note to other peeps: Sorry guys, I've been asking tons of you peeps to go since 2006 and some since 2005, and you guys keep on delaying with thousand and one alasan, so I can't wait no more. I'm going this 19th, confirmed!]

la Gioconda's smile..

I dreamt of him again last night.

It has been almost a year and a half since he passed away, but I am still in mourn. And I am grieving more and more these days. I guess he was right after all. He always told me that I am a slow catcher when it comes to seeing a clear picture of what is inside my heart.

I remember not shedding a tear when I was delivered the news of his passing. All I could do at that time was continue to live my life as usual and that was what I thought I was doing. But little did I realized that I was actually refusing to see my close friends for months and would rather be alone and quiet.

I would like to believe I am much better now.

As hard as it is, I accepted the fact that he suffered from cancer and he died. And he is in much better place now (I hope) than counting his last days with all the throwing up and losing his hair. His passing made me more aware that life is indeed short, thus, what ever time left must be put into good use.

And I have moved on. I see my friends, confided in them. I talked about him and our growing up years together. And I find myself living with much vigor than before. I am much healthier, my own illness is slowly going off. I am building a career, maybe in banking line or maybe in Nestle since I just got the offer yesterday. And plus I met someone. So, life is much better now with a silver lining up ahead.

But who am I kidding? I know that I still need time, much longer time than I expected. It's as if living with a Mona Lisa's smile - no one has solved the riddle of her smile, no one has read the meaning of her thoughts, only but herself.

never trust your doctor friend..

D: Will you talk? Or should I beat it out of you?

J: .....

D: Okay, let's start with your left eye. What happen?

J: .....

D: Jann! *pinches me*

J: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww.....bitch!

D: Well?

J: Okay okay.. you were wrong about the medicine okay.

D: Wrong? Hah! I think you're the one who screwed it up, knowing how you threat pills like candies. Did you take the right dosage?

J: I did!! You sure it's the right drug? You're positively sure? Have you been wrong before?

D: Of course...... but I'm not wrong about the medicine I prescribed you.

J: Oh, that's comforting (with sarcastic undertone). So, you're saying you have been wrong before?

D: Well yeah, but I'm not wrong in this case.

J: You had a case where you have given the wrong medication didn't you? *squinting my swollen eyes*

D: Yes. But I did not precribed the wrong medication this time.

J: But you have been wrong, si?

D: I already told you, yes. It's just a few times laaahhh.

J: Oh....and in those 'few' times, did you know at that moment that you were wrong?

D: ....errrr.... no. *she giggles*

J: AAAAaaaaaaaaarrrrgggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!


******

End up the medicine she gaves me contains a few percent of Aspirin substance - the very thing that causes me to be hospitalized due to severe allergic reaction last January.

Thanks for trying to kill me, friend....

self-destruct

I'm such a woman sometimes.

Being a woman can be empowering and liberal, yet when it comes to handling emotions, often 99.8% of women will be defeated by the hormonal fluctuations during our menstrual cycle that causes irritability, fatigue and emotional reactivity.

In short, women tend to be in an emotional wreck. Sometimes we're so emo that we realized we shouldn't be so irrational but there's no fucking way to stop it... and suddenly we end up in tears with no absolute reason at all.

And that's how it's like to be a woman..

kiddos..

It's easier to be honest to someone I don't give an iota about. I can say whatever is in my head and deliver it straight to my tougue. Gotta say, I feel good about it.

On the other hand, whenever it comes to family and close friends, I automatically filter up to 80% of my original thoughts. Why? Cause most times, I don't agree with what they say and would rather smile or keep quiet or change topic rather than arguing my points. For one thing, it's rather pointless telling the absolute truth to this bunch of people I care for, cause ALL of them are strong-opinionated people - eventhou' their points are always bias and self-centred.

I remember there's few times when I blew up and said what I really feel and they end up crying and sulked for days. Kiddos...

Aahh...life such full of dramas..

simple words..

I walk down the street.
There is a hole.
I don't see it.
I fall in.
It isn't my fault.
It takes a very long time to get out.
*
*
I walk down the same street.
There is still a deep hole.
I pretend not to see it.
I fall in.
I pretend it's still not my fault.
It takes a long time to get out.
*
*
I walk down the same street.
There is still the same deep hole.
I see it.
I fall in anyway.
It's a habit.
I get out quicker this time.
*
*
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole.
I see it.
I walk around it.
I don't fall in.
*
*
I walk down a different street.

no title..

sharing a bowl of tomyam glass noodle was never happier with my two cinapeks

[one of my happy moments captured using a 1.3 megapixel camera phone]

Happy moments are short-lived...
Therefore, enjoy while it last..