It is not my fault.
He never laugh with her the way he laughs with me.
He never share silly jokes or comments with her like he does with me.
He never cried in front of her like he always cried his eye balls out when he is with me.
And so, he left her.
Not because he was in love with me.
It is because he wasn't himself when he was with her.
So, it's not my fault.
It was never my fault.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
choices to suicide in KK..
No.1 - Hike up to the canopy walk of Poring Hot Spring, Ranau. Option to jump from big oak trees are available in several 'docks'. The height, as well as the breath taking view will definitely takes your breath away. Literally.
No.2 - Snorkelling in Manukan Island without a jumpsuit on a jelly fish season. The sting will thrill you to death.
No 3 - Hiking Mount Kinabalu with slippers, jeans and t-shirt at 23 degrees, fogging and rainy season. Thinning of oxygen level as you go up will suffocate you. Not to mention, you'll be soaked and shivering to the bones. And don't bring any water. A sure way to die in nature..
.
Dah, habis merepek.
Pls oh pls...pls let me be able to sleep now..
Sunday, July 6, 2008
he said things..
Late November night, as they sat opposite each other in McDonalds, a guy told a girl,
"Take pride missy, the feeling is mutual."
Couples at nearby tables would have heard what he said, but the girl could not help but doubt her own hearing. She felt her cheek burning and did not know how to react. Deep inside, her heart flutters but her head does not savvy.
He might have said things for the sake of saying something.
Months passed, and he never spoke about what has been said that night. It was as if he had never said anything and the McDonald moment was soon forgotten.
Her curiosity grew and she confronted him. He acted dumb and avoided the subject. And right then the girl knew she had been blinded, believing in someone who's not man enough to stand by his own words.
As the female clan would see it, he's a jerk. And like all the jerks in the world, they tend to say things that means nothing..
[p/s: From Jann's point of view, the guy's a pussy..meowwwwwww..]
"Take pride missy, the feeling is mutual."
Couples at nearby tables would have heard what he said, but the girl could not help but doubt her own hearing. She felt her cheek burning and did not know how to react. Deep inside, her heart flutters but her head does not savvy.
He might have said things for the sake of saying something.
Months passed, and he never spoke about what has been said that night. It was as if he had never said anything and the McDonald moment was soon forgotten.
Her curiosity grew and she confronted him. He acted dumb and avoided the subject. And right then the girl knew she had been blinded, believing in someone who's not man enough to stand by his own words.
As the female clan would see it, he's a jerk. And like all the jerks in the world, they tend to say things that means nothing..
[p/s: From Jann's point of view, the guy's a pussy..meowwwwwww..]
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
"limited edition" kembara..
I bengang.
I know it's a small accident, no injuries and bla bla bla.. but I'm so pissed off that my first car got bang from the front by some matsalleh yang tak reti pandang belakang bila reverse. Just got the car last two months... fcuked up!
My car's kangaroo bar and front bumper is dented. Now my KEMBARA looks like a new limited edition KEMBARA with the first ever model to have a kangaroo bar that goes in the bumper instead of sticking out as somekind of protection (I reckon).
On top of that, need to go through the hassle of making police report and getting the car fix in Perodua Service Center. Oh, the matsalleh is sooo gonna pay to replace original KEMBARA kangaroo bar and bumper....good luck with that!
Suckssss..
Today reflects the true meaning of SHIT HAPPENS...
I know it's a small accident, no injuries and bla bla bla.. but I'm so pissed off that my first car got bang from the front by some matsalleh yang tak reti pandang belakang bila reverse. Just got the car last two months... fcuked up!
My car's kangaroo bar and front bumper is dented. Now my KEMBARA looks like a new limited edition KEMBARA with the first ever model to have a kangaroo bar that goes in the bumper instead of sticking out as somekind of protection (I reckon).
On top of that, need to go through the hassle of making police report and getting the car fix in Perodua Service Center. Oh, the matsalleh is sooo gonna pay to replace original KEMBARA kangaroo bar and bumper....good luck with that!
Suckssss..
Today reflects the true meaning of SHIT HAPPENS...
Saturday, May 24, 2008
indiana jones..
Okay, this is a spoiler for those who haven't seen Indiana Jones: The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
In my opinion, it could have been better. I was expecting a wrap up as great as LOTR III to all the Indiana Jones series. But heck, suddenly got UFO. Yeah..you got me right. I never expected a presence of a bunch of skeleton-like aliens with crystal skulls. And listen to this, the crystal skull has magnetic energy that attract metals for what ever reason, I don't know. And yeah, the kid turns out to be Indiana's son. Surprise? Not at all. Boohooo...even my grandma can guess that.
Anyways, overall can be categorize as okay laaaa... Entertaining enough to make me stay awake albeit the fact I had a long day at work, rush back home and drive like a mad cow to catch the show at 10pm.
All and all, I don't know about you people, but I'll be sticking to the more sensible Indiana Jones trilogy storyline..
In my opinion, it could have been better. I was expecting a wrap up as great as LOTR III to all the Indiana Jones series. But heck, suddenly got UFO. Yeah..you got me right. I never expected a presence of a bunch of skeleton-like aliens with crystal skulls. And listen to this, the crystal skull has magnetic energy that attract metals for what ever reason, I don't know. And yeah, the kid turns out to be Indiana's son. Surprise? Not at all. Boohooo...even my grandma can guess that.
Anyways, overall can be categorize as okay laaaa... Entertaining enough to make me stay awake albeit the fact I had a long day at work, rush back home and drive like a mad cow to catch the show at 10pm.
All and all, I don't know about you people, but I'll be sticking to the more sensible Indiana Jones trilogy storyline..
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
leaving on a jet plane..
All my life, I have always been the spectator - the one who watch everyone leave and fly far beyond. I am the one who always supports and waited patiently for everyone to come back and hear all sorts of stories from their adventures.
And because of that, I have always been bias, thinking that it's easier to leave rather than to be the one who have to wait in vain and be self-sacrificing. Boy, now that my turn has finally come, I get my own feel of being the one who is in the other side of the fence. I tell ya', it's no easy deal.
Thou' the idea of living out of a suitcase seems ideal for me who loves to expect the unexpected, leaving my mother alone is a problem. I worry too much. That's me in nature. Thou' I can't deny I feel glad to finally have my own space as mom can drive me up the wall and ceiling most times, a sense of responsibility as a daughter kicked in whenever the thoughts of her living alone in KL crossed my mind.
And it's hard to let go of what I have now. My life is finally wee bit balance with stability in income and social life. Life's good, in short. To start the whole process of uncertainty and adventure, yet again, seems....taxing. I haven't had enough rest!
What ever it is, I'm not suppose to complaint much. Opportunity must be snatch! Thou' I forsee hardwork and sheer endurance in near future and the fact that I know for sure that I will be bitching 24 x 7...it's something that I must do. Because that's what building a career is all about. Maybe by being away from potential distractions (e.g; mom, friends, lovelife, cats, traffic jam..and all other comfort zones), will be a good thing after all. I need to be and stay focus to make it alive. It's a tough world out there, it's not only a rat race, it's to finish the race by being the first to reach the line in most minimal time and yet as the fattest rat.. ;p
Still... it's hard to leave..
And because of that, I have always been bias, thinking that it's easier to leave rather than to be the one who have to wait in vain and be self-sacrificing. Boy, now that my turn has finally come, I get my own feel of being the one who is in the other side of the fence. I tell ya', it's no easy deal.
Thou' the idea of living out of a suitcase seems ideal for me who loves to expect the unexpected, leaving my mother alone is a problem. I worry too much. That's me in nature. Thou' I can't deny I feel glad to finally have my own space as mom can drive me up the wall and ceiling most times, a sense of responsibility as a daughter kicked in whenever the thoughts of her living alone in KL crossed my mind.
And it's hard to let go of what I have now. My life is finally wee bit balance with stability in income and social life. Life's good, in short. To start the whole process of uncertainty and adventure, yet again, seems....taxing. I haven't had enough rest!
What ever it is, I'm not suppose to complaint much. Opportunity must be snatch! Thou' I forsee hardwork and sheer endurance in near future and the fact that I know for sure that I will be bitching 24 x 7...it's something that I must do. Because that's what building a career is all about. Maybe by being away from potential distractions (e.g; mom, friends, lovelife, cats, traffic jam..and all other comfort zones), will be a good thing after all. I need to be and stay focus to make it alive. It's a tough world out there, it's not only a rat race, it's to finish the race by being the first to reach the line in most minimal time and yet as the fattest rat.. ;p
Still... it's hard to leave..
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
guys, we are so going!!!
Can't wait till April to come to experience some awesome awesome awesomeeeeeeeeeeeee adrenaline rush moments!Let's see who will be the last man (or ehem...should I say, WOMAN) standing.. *smirk*
[Note to other peeps: Sorry guys, I've been asking tons of you peeps to go since 2006 and some since 2005, and you guys keep on delaying with thousand and one alasan, so I can't wait no more. I'm going this 19th, confirmed!]
la Gioconda's smile..
I dreamt of him again last night.
It has been almost a year and a half since he passed away, but I am still in mourn. And I am grieving more and more these days. I guess he was right after all. He always told me that I am a slow catcher when it comes to seeing a clear picture of what is inside my heart.
I remember not shedding a tear when I was delivered the news of his passing. All I could do at that time was continue to live my life as usual and that was what I thought I was doing. But little did I realized that I was actually refusing to see my close friends for months and would rather be alone and quiet.
I would like to believe I am much better now.
As hard as it is, I accepted the fact that he suffered from cancer and he died. And he is in much better place now (I hope) than counting his last days with all the throwing up and losing his hair. His passing made me more aware that life is indeed short, thus, what ever time left must be put into good use.
And I have moved on. I see my friends, confided in them. I talked about him and our growing up years together. And I find myself living with much vigor than before. I am much healthier, my own illness is slowly going off. I am building a career, maybe in banking line or maybe in Nestle since I just got the offer yesterday. And plus I met someone. So, life is much better now with a silver lining up ahead.
But who am I kidding? I know that I still need time, much longer time than I expected. It's as if living with a Mona Lisa's smile - no one has solved the riddle of her smile, no one has read the meaning of her thoughts, only but herself.
It has been almost a year and a half since he passed away, but I am still in mourn. And I am grieving more and more these days. I guess he was right after all. He always told me that I am a slow catcher when it comes to seeing a clear picture of what is inside my heart.
I remember not shedding a tear when I was delivered the news of his passing. All I could do at that time was continue to live my life as usual and that was what I thought I was doing. But little did I realized that I was actually refusing to see my close friends for months and would rather be alone and quiet.
I would like to believe I am much better now.
As hard as it is, I accepted the fact that he suffered from cancer and he died. And he is in much better place now (I hope) than counting his last days with all the throwing up and losing his hair. His passing made me more aware that life is indeed short, thus, what ever time left must be put into good use.
And I have moved on. I see my friends, confided in them. I talked about him and our growing up years together. And I find myself living with much vigor than before. I am much healthier, my own illness is slowly going off. I am building a career, maybe in banking line or maybe in Nestle since I just got the offer yesterday. And plus I met someone. So, life is much better now with a silver lining up ahead.
But who am I kidding? I know that I still need time, much longer time than I expected. It's as if living with a Mona Lisa's smile - no one has solved the riddle of her smile, no one has read the meaning of her thoughts, only but herself.
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