when family screws up..

I've been through a lot lately. With one of my family screwing as usual. It's a shitty life all of a sudden. I guess I always falls under this bad luck cloak whenever he's around. He's the ultimate messenger of bad luck.

Too much disaster have happened and he was the cause of it. I couldn't do much in the past as I was still an adolescent teenager. All I could do was watch and feeling helpless that I couldn't do anything. It was beyond my powers and ability to do something right. But inevitably, I was forced to pick up the pieces, as there wasn't anyone else to do it.

And because of that, I've been burdened with responsibilities since I was 15 years old. Fuck man, this sucks. After a decade, I thought things would get easy. But NNNNOOOOOOOO, nothing have change. I feel like shouting, "GIMME A BREAKKKKKKKKK!!!". I feel like walking away for once. Let someone else handle him. Others have responsibility towards him too. I've had it. I've done my part, and he have taken a good ten years of my life. A life that would be a good start for a bright future ONLY IF he didn't screw up our family in the first place.

This time I'm not giving in. I've become stone-hearted over the years because of the hardship and struggle to adjust my family's life back to human-state and getting back the chance to further my education. I told myself to forgive him and move on without hatred. And I did just that, I thought I did. But when I saw him again today, I feel angry. And I feel like washing off my hands from his case. And so I did.

I told him, "From now on, you're on your own. This is not to disown you from the family. I have given you support and care when there's no one to look after you. But this is as far as I go. Cause its hurting me deep, and now I'm old enough to not let that happen ever again. At least, not from you."

With that, I walked away and the last thing I saw was his unshed tears behind the bars. But I didn't feel sorry because I believe its the right thing to do. I hope he knows that the only person in this world that can help him is himself....