serenity in life..

Fill your bowl to the brim and it will spill.

Keep sharpening your knife and it will be blunt.

*

Chase after money and security and your heart will never unclench.

Care about people's approval and you will be their prisoner.

*

Do your work, then step back.

The only path to serenity.

*

Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching.

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Can't believe I've found these words again in a Business Ethic book.
I first stumble upon it in Uncle Lam's house zillion years ago and have been loving it ever since. Lao Tzu's teachings are very peaceful and have a very soft approach towards living a life. If only I can adapt the teachings in my own life... but how can I when I'm a money chaser? *guffaw*

when family screws up..

I've been through a lot lately. With one of my family screwing as usual. It's a shitty life all of a sudden. I guess I always falls under this bad luck cloak whenever he's around. He's the ultimate messenger of bad luck.

Too much disaster have happened and he was the cause of it. I couldn't do much in the past as I was still an adolescent teenager. All I could do was watch and feeling helpless that I couldn't do anything. It was beyond my powers and ability to do something right. But inevitably, I was forced to pick up the pieces, as there wasn't anyone else to do it.

And because of that, I've been burdened with responsibilities since I was 15 years old. Fuck man, this sucks. After a decade, I thought things would get easy. But NNNNOOOOOOOO, nothing have change. I feel like shouting, "GIMME A BREAKKKKKKKKK!!!". I feel like walking away for once. Let someone else handle him. Others have responsibility towards him too. I've had it. I've done my part, and he have taken a good ten years of my life. A life that would be a good start for a bright future ONLY IF he didn't screw up our family in the first place.

This time I'm not giving in. I've become stone-hearted over the years because of the hardship and struggle to adjust my family's life back to human-state and getting back the chance to further my education. I told myself to forgive him and move on without hatred. And I did just that, I thought I did. But when I saw him again today, I feel angry. And I feel like washing off my hands from his case. And so I did.

I told him, "From now on, you're on your own. This is not to disown you from the family. I have given you support and care when there's no one to look after you. But this is as far as I go. Cause its hurting me deep, and now I'm old enough to not let that happen ever again. At least, not from you."

With that, I walked away and the last thing I saw was his unshed tears behind the bars. But I didn't feel sorry because I believe its the right thing to do. I hope he knows that the only person in this world that can help him is himself....

emo..

There's this guy I know who used to go 'emo' at me one time. I literally slapped his face. Seriously. /Jann with a straight face.

Today, I met that kind of guy again. Ooohhh, IF only he was someone I know, he'll surely get a piece of my mind or feel the heat on his smooth cheek.

Gosh, I really hate guys who are over emotional. Showing off their moody side. Looks to me its like they just want some cooing from the girls. Hate it, absolutely hate it. Its like they are better off with no manhood between their legs and pink ribbons to tie their fringe!

Sigh.. go get some balls and leave the emo part to girls okay...
Jantan buruk buat muka cembeng laaa.. /Jann roll eyes

the anime history...

Ohhh.. my dear Sing, happy 27th bday! TGI Fridays will be on you this time. Aku pokai.

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I'm actually enjoying doing my final year project - anime online retailing... ;)
I get to research about the overview of the anime industry globally. By understanding the industry, I've attained a passion for anime.. I'm on my way into becoming an 'otaku' (an obsessive die heard anime fan)!

Read on.. for fun and knowledge. \^o^/ Ganbatte ikimashio!

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Today, Japanese animation (anime) is a recognized media and viewed globally. In the early 20th century (1900s), motion picture and audio are still new. Forays of western artists into film industry were followed by those in the East, Japan included. This is the era in which first animated film were born, idea of cartoon was just making its way off newspapers pages and into films.

In 1914, Japanese cartoonist begin own experiments with animated motion pictures. This is in pursuing of Walt Disney Studios and Fleisher Brothers, top producers of animated in the United States. Walt Disney and Fleisher Brothers produced masterpieces in cartoons that set standards for cartoon medium for years to come. Despite the initiative in the experiments, Japanese were slow to get into the realm of animation due to normal conservatism in Japan at that era.

Anime only started blooming during Second World War where Osamu Tezuka, a factory worker during war and an aspiring doctor was influenced by early animation of Walt Disney & Fleisher Brothers. Birth of Japanese animation (anime) was from Tezuka’s passion for animation. Tezuka was the first person to do novel length drawn story, “Shintakarajima” or New Treasure Island in 1947. Tezuka wanted to show liveliness in his drawings therefore he focus on his own style of drawings where unusually large eyes in anime character is able to display a range of emotions of Tezuka’s characters. His style is later on has influenced many future anime and manga artist and has become a trademark of Japanese animation. In 1963, Japan produced international success, “Testuwan Atom” or best known in the United States as “Astro Boy”.

In 1970s, there was a change in Japanese animation medium, the trend in this era was “mecha” or mechanism in anime the plot elements consist of giant robots and machines. The plot of this era heavily lean towards the good guys versus the bad guys thus adding expansion of characterization in anime. The most famous anime at this time was a series called “Mazinger Z”. In 1979, a series “Mobile Suit Gundam”, that tells the story about war between Earth and Space colonies has created a healthy merchandising market of models served to bolster anime series popularity known as “Gundam”.

The 80s is where the anime boom starts kicking in globally. Japanimation as international newspapers refers anime with few such as “Speed Racer” have paved it way into popularity. A horrendous cut for public consumption such as ‘Robotech’ movie was made from bits and pieces of three original mecha series in Japan. This era also give birth to yet a bundle of sub categories in anime. Rumiko Takahashi’s prominent figures introduces romantic and comedy field, and on the hand, Go Nagai and others worked to develop anime for adults, breaking the concept that animation was only for children. This era also witness two milestones in history of anime as “Akira” that was produced in 1988, was first in worldwide acclaim and in 1995, “Ghost in a shell” helps to solidify Japanese animation as ultimate alternative medium to conventional animation. By this time, a healthy fan based have grown in international market, the biggest is in the United States. The anime phenomenon has also hit Asian countries such as Korea, China, Hong Kong, Taiwan, Indonesia, Malaysia and Singapore. In parallel with the growing fan cult, markets for anime related merchandizes has also starting to pave it way to support the fan craze.

Today anime is alive and continuing to evolve and grow. In Japan, new series is shown in television channels everyday. Even in the situation of economic recession that befalls Japan in 2001, anime industry is not badly affected, thanks to the support of die-hard fans and passionate production house of anime. Internationally, especially in the west, anime movement has grown to new heights at the start of 21st century. Companies such as Bandai Entertainment, Viz Video, ADV Films and Pioneer have become larger and more profitable than previous years with ability to release many anime series and related merchandizes. Internet boom has also served to fuel awareness in anime worldwide. Rightstuff.com and Animenation.com is one of the largest online retailers that serves fans for anime related merchandizes.


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Uuuhhh... I really hope I can ace the project!!

I'm having a sudden overamped semangat flowing through my body.. well, peeps do call me Janakuasa sometimes, it refers to a power-plant. Heh.. *grin*

changed winds..

I feel like a changed woman.

For one thing, yea, I am different. I can't quite pin-point in what way I've changed but I can assure that somehow I feel different about things. Its like I've had a perspective re-arranged and got myself a change of heart.

I don't see things as I did before. I don't feel the same way about things anymore. What I appreciate in the past no longer hold any value in me. And I don't even feel remorse by admitting it, but I do feel bad for people who are affected by the changes in me. I know most disagree, but I'm thankful that some other still show a certain respect.

So, I guess yea..., people do change as time pass. I'm a living proof.

the in-betweens..

According to some wise guy, there are two types of people in this world. The nice peeps and the bad guys.

But I believe that I fall in neither of the categories. To say that I am a nice peep, well..I am. Sometimes to the extend of being too nice in which I've become doormat at times. And to say that I am in the bad guy type, well.. I am too. As nice as I can be, I can also be as cruel and brutal to the extend where I hurt people's feelings and basically stepped on peeps' egoism. This applies to most of my chauvinist friends and wasted guys I've dated.

So, I reckon, I'm the in between type. Of course there will never be a perfect right in the middle of the line, so I guess the bigger percentage lean towards the latter, hehe... ;Þ

the mafia look..

This is my face when I'm deprived of 36 hours of sleep and rest. Gosh, I look like I'm ready to pick a nasty fight.

I could imagine myself saying something like..

"For those who wants to die young and in cruciating pain, feel free to annoy the crap out of me now. It will be a win-win situation, you get to die as you wish and I get to beat up someone for fun~!". *mafia grin*

ahaha..I kinnda dig the whole 'whatchalookingat' look. Reminds me of Al Capone..

stop disturbing, need to do work!

I can't study in groups. Its not that I don't have the teamwork spirit, I just hate the commotion and constant chit-chatting. It disturbs my concentration. That is why I'm a loner when it comes to studying and as well as doing most things by myself.

And I can never study in college or even in the library! Friends would come up to me and ask me tons of questions (I don't really mind if they ask short questions) and they alway seem unaware of the obvious - that I'm there to study and they are taking up my time, big time! Ehem... despite that, let me make it clear that I'm not a snob by saying the above. I'm just tired with people who don't consider of others therefore I need to bitch.. *guffaw*

But it's true, just come to Malaysian college and experience it yourself. My friends who studied oversea don't have this kind of problem - a library remain as peaceful and quiet as a grave!

This week, I have 3 assignments to pass up and have to finish the business aspect of my final year project before the mid-point presentation that is due next week. It's hectic yes.. and a bit stressful, but I don't really mind, I love the adrenaline rush. I'm only REALLY stress out and frustrated when people disturb my work and taking their own sweet time with MY time!

Like today, I can't concentrate eventhough I'm not in college. One reason is that I'm studying at home. There's Mom, who always ask me to do chores at the time my brain is starting to function and blooming with ideas to bullshit for my assignments. And there's my two cats, one likes to sleep on top of my computer desk, blocking my view of the screen and another like to shit all over the two bathrooms in the house, making me dizzy with the 'perfume' the instant the odour travels to my room!

Gosh, if I ever going to do my Masters, I'll make sure I'll do it oversea where I'm far far away from these disturbance..

one purrrrfect day..

I so wish that...even it were to haapen for one day...

To wake up to everything white. The bed, the sheet, the pillow, basically the whole room. With an open full bloom flowered patio (make it white lilies), overlooking the sea. And have delicious breakfast surrounded by serenity.

And just spend the day lazying around the house, maybe catch up on some reading, maybe just taking cat naps after a wonderful lunch of a bigass Ceasar salad portion with quill eggs and a big glass of strawberry juice. And later on, later in the evening, to walk along the white sandy beach (make it a private beach).

By night fall, I want to soak in a luxurious bath of flowers and aromatheraphy, with candle lights to provide an intimate ambiance all over the bathroom. Once I'm done, I'll go to bed naked. Hehe, seriously!

UUuuhhh I tell ya, if this day happen, I'll definitely be purring.. ;)

not so good crapper..

When it comes to blogging, I'm a really good crapper. But when it comes to writing assignments or work-related write ups, I'm as capable as a two year old, make it a retarded two year old. Seriously..

Here I am, stuck in front of the computer for about three hours and all I typed was insufficient three paragraph of bullshitting (BS). Gosh, BS is mucho (much in spanish) a breeze when its not being graded or needing the citation.

At when I times like this, is usually ask myself, "Jann, why did you gatal2 pursue your degree when you could have find a better job and earning the dooh?". And I always have the answer for that one - I want to be the first in my family to earn a degree. My dad only had two diplomas and back then, having one is considered good enough.

I always wanted to be a writer as long as I could remember. But was never really serious about it. I always say to myself that I'm not a good crapper, therefore I won't be a good writer. But I guess I've proven myself wrong in the last two years when I started blogging and doing a few freelance writing. Well, I'm aware that I'm not THAT good but I have the potential to become one if given focus and hard work. I know I can pull it off. Oh yea, a-huh, oh yea. ;Þ

But hell, one thing about me is that as sure as I am about almost every single action I've taken so far, I'm fickle-minded about what I want to do in life. My life dream and career path is still in pending -mode. I want so many things and so many career path in mind, I couldn't make up my mind.

Expert says, choose the one that I'm likely to find fulfilment in. Thing is, there's all of it! And my bestbuddy-diplomat-wannabe said, in time, the career path will become clearer. Well honey, it ain't a clear blue sky with only one rainbow. It has rainbows in every corner of the sky, so which one should I choose?

Haih, I reckon, all I'll do is probe more path, explore more career options until I find what I'm drawn to - a career in which I am likely to do in years ahead... Before that happen, for now, I'll just stick to the one thing I like most and good at, which is non other than crapping..

born to be with guys..

My late childhood companion used to say that I was born to be with the guys..

For one thing, I grew up around boys. My first bestfriend ever was the boy across the street. My cousins that's around my age are all boys -on both side of the family. And my earliest friends are the boys in the neighbourhood and I only mixed with boys in kindergarden. It's all because I enjoy playing "police-entry" more rather than playing masak-masak with the girly-girls.

I guess Papito (my dad) somehow knew if I don't mix with any girls, I'll end up being a tomboy, in which I'm already one even before I went into primary school. Papito enrolled me in BBGS, an all girls school, in hope that I would act like a daughter should. Well, it paid off, I learned a few things about being a girl. It also did me good because in my alma mater is where I established quite a number of precious girlfriends. Ironically, at the same time, I've also gained quite an equal number of new guy friends too - from other all-boys schools and tons of other unexpected multi-network of friends. Papito used to roll his eyes when boys showed up at the gate of my house. Papito always saying, why isn't there any girls looking for me. ;)

Obvious reason I like being with my male buddies is that, its much comfortable to let loose with the them. And plus, they don't yack about my dressings like most my girlfriends do. They give brutally honest opinions WHEN I ask and after a fight or two with them, patching things up are much easier. I could be strangling and beat the crap out of a guy friend today and patch things up as soon as the fight ended and share a bowl of pan mee together.

But if I were to be mad at a girlfriend, I would bottle-up most of the time. Reason being is females are more sensitive in dealing with all the talks. And also because I know how I can be when I'm mad. I have this bad side of me that is really really bad in controlling my anger that my voice tend to shriek consistently until at one point, I WILL YELL merciless. Those who have faced my wrath know how kejam I can be at times and for those who never really see me naik angin, be thankful that I still have respect towards you people.

Another reason that I bottle-up is that I can seriously utter tahap dewa nasty lines right on a person's face. But I usually hold myself back because I really hate the aftermath and consequences of that actions - I hate making girls cry or facing their reflex-reaction of turning into a bitch just to stand up to their words. So, because of all that, I would usually just shut up.

I guess I never have that much of girlfriends anyway because of the differences in mentality. That is why, I can swear to whoever reading this that only a small number of girlfriends I have today are the okay-superb type in my eyes. Let me elaborate. They don't bitch about other people and even if they do, they know their limits. They don't comment on my life and even if they do, they tell me nicely, in appropriate manner AND always at the right timing. The rest are just some girls not worth having as a friend but since they exist in my surroundings, I have no choice but to just mingle with them.

Aiseh, I've strayed away.

Back to the point, so yeaa..with the above reasons, I find that, being with the guys are much more easier. As complicated they may be as males, they are simply simple-minded people when it comes to friendship. I reckon, that is why I have more lasting friendship with them. About the saying where I was born to be with the guys....I would prefer it better if the word "guys" is swap with the word "studs"... *guffaw*

Anywho, guys, cheers and bottom's up!!

langkawi with mom..

My mom rocks!

On the last trip to Langkawi, I brought her island hopping. Instead of being proper like an aunty would, she suprised me with her youthful acts - she jumps, she hops, she went boat-paddling with me and she actually jumps into Dayang Bunting lake, holding on to the railings and me to stay afloat!

It's a brave act considering the fact that she's afraid of water and she can't swim!

All and all, it was a good trip! I'm glad Mom had fun..

Some of the pictures taken in Langkawi...

In Singa Besar Island, the last hop before we head home...

Mom at the top of Gunung Raya.. the view from the dock was amazing!! Kg.Tok Senik Hotel ambiance was so serene, overlooking paddy field.. Absolutely love the place, its very quiet.. A fresh twist from the buzzling KL.. On the boat..Mom was obsessed with the life jacket while I never bother to put on one..

.

A lot more pictures was snapped but I'm damn lazy to wait for the photo to upload... *sigh*

socialphobic..

I'm helping out my friends to spread the news on BBGS Class of '99 reunion that is going to be held on July 7th, 2007..

Somehow.... frankly, I'm not THAT excited about the whole thing. I don't know WHY I'm not that trill about the idea of seeing my ex-schoolmates. I reckon maybe the feeling of yearning to meet old peeps haven't kick start yet..or I'm just too lazy to meet people.

It's ironic when people in general say I'm a people-person. Aiseh, just because I'm friendly and have communication skill doesn't mean I like being in the line of meeting and talking to people always. Such is true.. if a person have chisel looks, doesn't mean that he like the idea of being in modeling industry.

Truth is, I hate being in crowded places and in the presence of hundreds of people. For one thing, I have no patience in dealing with all sort of attitudes. Second, I just hate commotions.

Errmm....I think I'm turning into a socialphobic and an introvert. Need to do something about it. If not, I might end up being a cat lady, single for the rest of my life and found dead with my body half-eaten by rats two weeks later.. *shiver*

lets start with a clean slate..

Welcome, welcome!

I'm continuing my blog from Friendster to Blogger services because peeps keep on yacking that I update my blog too often that they hate seeing my updates every single day!

So..here I am, continuing petpoting in another virtual land. So I tak kacau orang, and hope that orang tak kacau I lagi.. Sheesshhh..

Enjoy..whoever is reading this. I doubt people will come and read laa! ;p


p/s: Happy 48th birthday Papito!

** Papito means Dad in Portuguese bahasa pasar..